Archive for August 3rd, 2007

I’m trying to take a quiz I found on Cheela’s page. It’s hard when the questions ask me “What do your friends think about….” Well, how do I know?? I guessed. But I’d be curious to know if my answers are really my friends’ answers.

Wanna try a couple?

The first question is:

“How would your friends best describe you?”

I changed the question to apply to you. Go!

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To blog or not to blog

It’s a hard thing, sometimes, when you’re a person not used to sharing tons of emotions. And hard when you know people who know you read your blog. Writing can be a great catharsis. And sharing and gaining information is, I think, one of the great advantages of this digital age. And I imagine I’m one of the more boring blogs because, hey I’m just me and this is often just day-to-day stuff. But that’s the reason why I started this blog. I was moving away from my family and friends and thought this would be a fun way to update multiple people at one time. And a good way to jump-start any form of writing, which I had been sadly neglecting for a long time. And don’t get me wrong. I love to write. And I strive to try and understand other people. And myself. It’s a goal worth a lifetime of work.

But when it comes to negative stuff, I think “How much can I write?” I tend to write non-specifically. I don’t want to worry people. And I don’t want to give off impressions that are overly negative. A lot of the woes around here are everyday run-of-the-mill stuff. But once I start writing, there’s no stopping me. And I think that’s ok. Because, you know what? This is who I am. A person who can stop and smell the flowers and laugh. And a person who can overreact, or over analyze, or worry too much. That’s just who I am. To pretend that I’m not, or worry about giving off a bad impression…..well, that’s probably ok in blogland because no one will call us on it. But I figure I can be open sometimes. And I hope I don’t overstep, or hurt anyone, or cause confusion. If I do, call me on it, ok?

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Why do negative emotions result in complete irrationality in humans? Why? The very essence of the emotions we try to avoid make it 10 times harder to “get over” them the way we should. It’s like a built-in survival tactic. Anger and violence will beget anger and violence, thereby ensuring the perpetual existence of both. Fears learn to multiply in peoples’ brains like a fast-replicating virus. Jealousy clouds minds so that no good reason can penetrate, and the mind cannot shake the negative feeling.

Why do our brains work this way? Or if yours does not, can you explain how?

I know there are various ways to try and soothe away negative emotions. Million-dollar seminars are built around this goal, not to mention billion-dollar drugs. Books on meditation, prayer, and other “secrets” are gobbled up by a public looking for the perfect panacea to their brainy ills.

And yet, there we are – despite our best efforts and intentions – splayed before our fickle emotions like a voodoo doll about to be stabbed. Or should I say – there I am? As often as I steel myself, pep-talk myself, berate myself, or cajole myself to get the better of my negative emotions, the smallest trigger will wipe away all rationality with one sweep. Or maybe just one trigger.

And I forget. Forget so many of the positives.

He laughs around me also. He looks forward to being with me also. He’ll leave work on time for me also (ok, maybe). And I’m the one he has chosen to spend all the rest of his days with. Hello? What else can compare to that? How can I know these things, but forget? How can my good, smart, commonsensical brain take a complete holiday and vacate my skull and abandon me like a worn-out pair of smelly gym socks?

And yet, how can he know why, and forget? Or misremember? My negative thoughts chase away rationality. His imperviousness to negative thoughts chases away my past words. Patterns persist. The self-replication cycle completes. Who in the world could engineer such an ingenious system? Truly? Who?

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