Wedding Vanity Update

Yes, I’m trying to work on some good entries about the wedding and honeymoon. I’ll get them done…….someday.

I have to brag about some things though. Sweetie and I really had a great day. Here are some reasons why.

1. We had the best guests ever. Really. Folks were so happy and in good spirits. The wedding coordinator at the country club could not stop telling us how nice our guests were. I don’t know. Maybe other wedding guests are grumpy. Or demanding. Or maybe she was just humoring us. But I looked out at the sea of smiling faces, and watched everyone talking and enjoying themselves, and I know how far many of them traveled to see us wed. And I knew they were the best guests ever.

2. We had the cutest ring bearer and flower girl ever. No really. I can’t tell you how cute and good these guys were. My youngest nephew as ring bearer was a hoot! We was awesome all day. Hung out with us women in the prep room. Took pictures with the guys. Carried the rings with the utmost diligence. Didn’t pick his nose during the ceremony. Stood right in front of the groomsmen looking snazzy the whole time. Even took some adorable pictures that caught a smile on his face. The only thing he would not do?? Hold the flower girls hand. No way. Nope. Absolutely not.

She, also, was a fantastic trooper all day. Hung out with us women in the prep room. Sat down quietly to draw after her dress was on. Handed me two pictures as a wedding present. Laughed whenever the photographer told her to smile. And the cutest thing ever? – well – she had been showing me a ballet move for two days – the one where you put your arms over your head….palms and fingers facing each other – what do they call that? Very cute. When Sweetie and I watched one of the videos of the processional, we saw the two of them standing to walk down the aisle….waiting for their cue….and then….right before they set off together….Snap!….her arms went up over her head….little ballet move….and Snap!…her arms were down again….and she marched towards the aisle with her flower basket in arm. Holy crap!! It was soooooo cute!

3. We had the best flowers ever. I was pretty sure I could count on our florist to put something nice together. When we were talking to/interviewing florists for the wedding, she really seemed to “get it.” It helped that she wasn’t the woman who kept talking about my “red” flowers. Uhhhh….red is not one of our colors. The flowers she put together – everything – for the men, the women, the tables, etc…..all were awesome. Beautiful. She even ordered tuberoses from Hawai’i and stuck some in my bouquet so we had the sweet scent of the island with us all night. Fantastic.

4. We had the best toasts ever. My sister was happy and proud and emotional and funny. She spoke from her heart. She said the nicest things about us. She almost made me cry, but mostly she made me want to hug her and my Sweetie at the same time because I listened to her and knew how awesome they both are. The best man – well, you kind of had to be there, but it was priceless. Something along the lines of……I am going to describe their relationship using the language of love…………mathematics.

And then he pulled out a graph. It was hilarious.

5. We had a great site. I’ve been browsing lots of wedding photos from other weddings. Lots of nice elements to other places. What I love about the pictures of our site is that – from every angle in every picture – you see nice nature backgrounds. A pond, golden brown grass, evergreen trees, fall-colored trees, flowers. Could not see the road, or the reception building. Just nature. Which is very us, I think.

Those are just some of the highlights of a crazy good day.

I think brides must fall somewhere on two ends of the spectrum. Some (dare I say the bridezillas) seem to see disaster in the smallest flaws, get upset at the slightest upset in plans, or feel the need to order everyone else around to get what they want. Some (hopefully me) see their wedding day through rose-colored glasses. And, barring any major disaster, are just plain tickled at all the good wishes, happy faces, and crazy behind-the-scenes events that no one else will know about. I’m sure a hundred brides out there would insist they have the best of everything also. But, darn it! it was my wedding day! So I can brag all I want. *stomp*

hmmm….I guess this can be counted as a wedding post.

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ONE MORE DAY!!!!

I know I haven’t really been blogging about it (so much to do, not much time to say), but I am happy to announce the wedding day is just one day away! I have now reached the point where two things have happened:

1) My brain is mush. I’m not stressed, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything. I put something next to my purse to take with me to my Sweetie. I forget it. I manage to actually LOAD something into my car to give to my Sweetie. I forget about it and drive back home with the same box. All I have to say is – it’s a good thing most of my lists are already written. Advice to brides: Write your lists well in advance. Or buy a good wedding planning book. Don’t rely on your own brain the week of your wedding. It mushifies. Really.

and

2) It doesn’t really matter. Not the things I forget. Not the nails I break. Not the rain that is currently falling. Most everything is taken care of. We have planned well. Things will happen. At the end of the day, we will be married. And in the end, that’s what really matters. I love him so much my heart may burst. He loves me and has put up with my wedding micro-managing for months. We are going to PARTY with our good friends and family from all over the world. Literally – people are coming in from England, from Switzerland, from Ohio and North Carolina, from Texas even. These people are happy to share our big day with us, and I wouldn’t spoil one minute of that by worrying too much about anything. Now…….if I can just stick to that through Saturday, I will be very happy. heh heh

We’ll be happy no matter. It took us both a long time to find the right person for a lasting marriage. We are proud to stand in front of our loved ones and say so. How much better can you get??

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30-somethings in the land of the young…

…wooooooo!

This is fun and slightly hilarious.

In light of my upcoming nuptials, some of my dearest friends decided they would organize our very own Bachelorette Party. Wheeeee!

I gotta hand it to my gals – they know how to organize a fantastic getaway. We had the most decadent, fun, relaxing weekend. We shared dinner. We went dancing. We shared lunch. We went to a spa. ahhhhh!!

I have to make one funny observation from our jaunt out on the town last night: I am soooooooo very very unhip. While I sit in my car and listen to NPR, the young folks of the urban lands are listening to music like I’ve never heard before. I admit it – I haven’t been out dancing in a real club for……..when was the last bachelorette party I went to?……well, it’s been years. And it’s been over 15 years since I went out dancing more than once a year. And my friends and I are stuck in the 80s during our own private dance crazes.

But out we went, my brave friends and I. One of whom actually goes out on a regular basis. And one of whom listens to MTV on a regular basis and recognized most of the songs being played.

Me? Pretty clueless. The kids on my street are all under 13 or so. I don’t work with 20-somethings anymore. I don’t watch MTV because I was under the impression they don’t actually play VIDEOS anymore. *sigh*

Never a good dancer to begin with, I was somewhat grateful for a packed dance floor to hide my stumbles while I stared up at video screens showing videos of songs everyone else seem to know. Lil Mama. huh? Lady Sovereign. ehh??  Bob Sinclar. wha?? Justin Timberlake. Oh!! I’ve heard of him!! Sweet.  It was pretty funny. I was probably the oldest person in the room, but hey – you know what? I’m only getting married once, and if my friends and I want to use the opportunity to dance ourselves to exhaustion like we used to, I say “Yea for us!!”  Although it seems that exhaustion came a tad bit faster than I recollect it did 10 years ago.

It is also interesting to note that the age-old Club behavior still applies. For me it is “DO NOT make eye contact with anyone for more than 2 seconds.” I love to look around at all the people, and it’s fun to see how people dance and it’s just nice to see people having a good time. BUT, inevitably, if you make eye contact with a guy for more than 2 seconds, he takes it as an invitation to come over and dance with you. And I use “dance” loosely. It’s more – his own private grope fest. My friends and I had to rescue each other a couple of times during the night. Ug.

I was pretty excited when I heard Bob Sinclar’s song sampling that good ol’ dance staple of my youth – C & C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now.” Nice to see the kids acknowledging the classics. Ha! I’m classic (that’s one word for it).  

Wanna know what the kids are dancing to these days?

Check it out…..

Lil Mama – Lip Gloss

Bob Sinclar – Rock This Party

Lady Sovereign……

I don’t think I can post anything and not have to change this entry to “Mature Content.”

And, if you are like me, here is one you may know.

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RSVP Etiquette and karma

ok, I totally deserved this one.

For all the times I have been late RSVP-ing for a wedding, I totally deserve to have a bunch of late RSVPs from people we have invited. I was pretty bad in my younger years. I think I still *have* a few RSVP cards, lying around in the bottom of drawers and boxes somewhere. Ooops. Sorry. I would have chosen the fish dish, thanks very much.

So, yeah – that piece of karma came back to bite me in the ass, and well I deserve it. I don’t mind too much because a) a majority of people are RSVP-ing on time and b) Sweetie and I (and his Mom, I hope) don’t mind calling a few people to confirm whether they are coming or not. It’s all good.

Here’s the bit of RSVP etiquette that I find both more amusing and slightly more frustrating – When people RSVP for more than we invited – without ever asking or telling us. Argh.

Now this is bound to happen. All the wedding guides say this will happen. And, to be fair to our guests, they may have thought their invites were slightly ambiguous because we don’t have inner envelopes. You know – that’s the envelope without the address, but the one where you can write “And Guest” or someone else’s names, or the names of all their kids, if we invite them. So, in the absence of a clear indication, some people may have assumed the invite included them plus one. Or plus two. Or three. Or plus their significant other because all the etiquette guides say you *should* invite people’s significant others (if you even know they exist, which we didn’t for a few people). But I have to think, in the face of ambiguity – the best bet is to ASK. Or to explain why you need to, or want to, bring someone else.

My mom has a very old, very dear friend. We invited her. She called my mom and told her she would love to come, but she cannot drive at night, and could she bring her daughter? This daughter is someone my mom used to take care of years ago, so Mom knows her also. Mom then checks with me. I say “Welllll, yes because this woman is very special to you. But, keep in mind, there are about **** number of invites we want to send out, including Sweetie’s family members, that we cannot send out until we get below our target number in RSVPs. ” But hey, it was ok. And Mom relayed the info to her friend. And her friend e-mailed her RSVP.

I had another friend who e-mailed to ask if someone could come with him. I still have him on hold with an answer. But I think I’ll say “yes, for sure” because of the sheer fact that he asked!

It’s just funny when we get the RSVP cards back and the number doesn’t match what is in our list. Or people write “So and so and I will attend.” Or “I need to bring so and so, thanks for understanding.” And the dreaded “Why weren’t my kids invited?!!” Egads!

I think the bottom line is – our main goal was to have a fun wedding that could accommodate about as many people as we wanted. And yes, we want our guests to have fun, or to be able to get there, or whatever. And, if that includes an extra person for a few people, and it means our guest can come to the wedding, we would be happy to have them. And, again – this is not just one or two people – there are bunch of people who ended up as a “plus one” or more.

But what people don’t realize is that their extra person actually booted someone out of the wedding – someone that we had on a list for almost a year – someone who is related to one of us – or something like that. We had a whole second list of people to send invites to – if we got below our maximum # in “Yes” RSVPs. And – we actually included kids’ names on the invites for kids who were invited. And included guests names for guests who were invited. Or, on just a couple of invites – actually wrote “And Guest” on the outer envelope.

But, I can tell you – it is VERY hard to call someone up and say “Hey! You can’t bring so and so.” Or your small kid. Or whoever. And, to be honest, we want these extra people to be able to come with our invited guests.

So, we go with the flow and change our guest list and hope that no ones feelings get too hurt. Hopefully not the people who are bringing someone they felt we should have been invited in the first place. And hopefully not the people we never did invite. Who the HECK thought all these people would come to my wedding anyway?! I guess that’s the most hilarious, and flattering part. We guessed “no” for a bunch of people who live out of state – far away – haven’t seen us for 10 plus years – etc. And a bunch of them are coming! At the end of the day – that there is the heartwarming part. Very heartwarming. And will ultimately just add to the fun of the day. As they say “A house made of love has elastic walls.” And so shall our reception site……..as long as it doesn’t rain (PLEASE pray it doesn’t rain). If it does, we’re seating all the extra people at the outside tables. ha hooo heee!

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It’s not that I don’t have time to blog right now..

…I actually do have plenty of spare moments during the day.

It’s more like – my brain is SO scattered, I can’t seem to sit down and write anything. And I have some deep and meaningful thoughts in my head, believe me.

I also have random and unmeaningful thoughts in my head. It’s all there. Rattling around.

It must be humid right now. It’s really not that hot, but I cannot stop sweating. I feel like a sweaty, smelly lump. How nice.

Can I just say – as I’m working on so many wedding details….I am soooo happy Sweetie and I scheduled a honeymoon. We lollygagged for a looong time on that one. We were thinking we’d like to do a big international trip – maybe New Zealand. Maybe Switzerland and France. We talked about postponing the honeymoon until we could plan a big trip next year. Then, I told him – we need to just plan something for right after the wedding. There is a chance that, if we wait until next year, nothing will get planned. Also, I think we would really regret it if we didn’t take some time off right after the wedding.

So, we agreed on a place, I took charge and planned the whole trip. We are taking a shortish trip to Yellowstone. And we have our itinerary all laid out and our reservations made. And, as I frazzle around getting ready for the wedding, I keep picturing myself doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in gorgeous Yellowstone National Park. And boy – that is a very soothing thought. Very nice. Can’t wait. Calgon, take me awaaaay.

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Good Counsel

So, Sweetie and I have been attending some pre-marital counseling sessions. Given the chance, we would not have thought to do this ourselves. But, we asked my old pastor to travel to marry us, and my church has for years asked their new prospective married couples to get pre-marital counseling before marriage.

So, off we went.

I think we are a breath of fresh air for the woman we’ve been talking to. She rarely has people come in *before* some sort of relationship breakdown occurs. Here we sit in front of her – attentive to what she has to share, agreeing in many of our answers, downright laughing out loud together. And, thanks to a couple of consistent communication snafus we have, it’s been advantageous to attend these sessions. She’s not asking a lot of questions – or trying to figure things out. We told her a couple of things we recognize as problems. And she’s been sharing some interesting communication tools with us. These are not rocket science ideas. But, due to the fact that a) we’ve been together long enough we have our own form of “shorthand” way of talking, and b) we are both old and stubborn, and c) we both have feelings that are sometimes sensitive – we tend to not take the time to follow some simple steps of communication. We don’t always take time out of the day to really check in with each other. And, when we have something to complain about, we tend to just burst out with a complaint. Not necessarily asking each other if “hey is this a good time to jump down your throat about something” or “hey, here is something constructive to suggest, along with a small complaint.”

Simple stuff, huh?

Not really. I’d love to say we’re one of those couples that never, ever argue. Not about anything. Not ever. Kiss kiss.

We’re not. We’re foible-y humans (see above, re: old and stubborn). We get tired. We get stressed. One of us gets cramps from time to time.

So, I say – bravo to pre-marital counseling! I think it’s giving us some good tools that we can use for the rest of our marriage. I think, for young couples out there, it’s probably good to talk to someone about what bumps in the road you can hit before you commit. Maybe it’s good just to talk to someone about why you want to commit to this other person. It doesn’t take that much time. We’re busy. We’re working and planning a wedding. But, if this whole thing called Marriage is something we’re willing to spend so much time on, isn’t it worth it to sit down and talk about what that all means before you do it? Or just talk about something as simple as communication? hmmm….

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Wedding arrghh and ahhh!!

So, the bridesmaids dresses came in, and I distributed them to the gals, and they are now all in hand. And, as seems to be the case with many dress designers, most of them are too big. Which I should have known because I ended up having to order sizes that were bigger than what the gals told me they normally wear. Because, when you order these kinds of dresses, the shop doesn’t ask you “What’s her size?” They ask you “What’s her measurements?” And then, they compare the measurements against that particular dress-maker’s measurements, and you match up the appropriate size.

Only, none of the girls exactly measured up with the dressmaker’s sizes. I’m not sure what these dress designers think a real woman looks like. Must be someone with normal hips, a teeny-tiny-nearly-invisible waist, and ginormous knockers. Because, that’s how the sizes went. I had to match the gals’ waist sizes, which meant the bust was going to be way big on most of them. ARGgghhh!

Plus, all the sizes were bigger than their normal size. Which doesn’t make sense. If you are designing dresses for women to wear at a wedding, wouldn’t you want to size them so that the size is normal, or perhaps smaller than normal? Then, a gal could order them and say “Wow, I just ordered a 6, and I’m normally an 8! How nice!” Rather than “What the heck is this bride doing ordering me a size 10 when I’m normally a size 8?!! I can’t believe I agreed to be in her wedding. Of all the NERVE!”

Not that this actually happened to me, but I can tell you this – most women don’t like hearing you’ve ordered them a size larger. But, the saying goes “It’s easier to take in a dress than let it out.” Don’t ask me to explain. It’s all about available fabric on the dress, etc. I think it’s true, because I know I’ve had a bridesmaid dress altered for me that was about 4 sizes bigger than I normally wear (it was on sale). And it really was pretty easy to alter.

Anyway, I had to go with the bigger sizes, for fearing of getting dresses that were too small.

They are definitely not too small. But the gals, bless their hearts, are soldiering on and getting alterations, and being generally very nice to this here bride.

On a good note – we (Sweetie and I) finally found our rings!!! This is a big “Whew!” for me. We found a ring for me months ago that I liked well enough. But I didn’t *love* it. And Sweetie took time ordering it. So much time that, when he told me he was going to, I told him that – given the chance, I’d like to keep looking. So we did. Looked again. And again. And we found one last week! And I love it, and feel like it really is the right ring for me. And am very excited because it is basically a flat band, which means I won’t be banging and slamming a fat ring around all the time, as I am sure to do if I had a big fat ring. But it does have tiny tiny diamonds around the edge, so there is a bit of sparkle to it. Simple but elegant, I think. Very happy.

And that’s about it for the wedding update.

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Yes, it’s time for a wedding shower

My Big Sis (and mom and two old college roomies) hosted a wedding shower for me today. It was completely wonderful.  There were vases and vases of fresh flowers, which I totally love. Tons of good homemade food. Fantastic people. And a good reason to celebrate.

 

It’s one of those instances where I totally enjoyed the day, I was thrilled to see my friends and family members,……..and I had this surreal feeling – like I wasn’t quite sure why everyone was gathered at my mom’s house at the same time. Towards the end of the day, someone said “That was a nice bridal shower,” and I just looked at her in surprise. A what?! Oh yeahhhhh…..that’s what everyone was doing here. It sounded almost like a foreign word when applied to me.  It’s kind of like when I tried on one veil after many wedding dresses. For some reason, seeing a veil on top of my head zapped my brain cells. I think I was in a haze while my sister planned this shower. So much so I can think of a couple of people I absolutely should have invited who never got an invite. Oooops. Also, I was probably a bad bride today and didn’t spend enough time mingling with everyone. But, again, I think I was forgetting the reason why everyone was here.

 

So, I have a confession to make.

 

I (this is not the confession) really, really dislike excessive self-deprecation, so I’m going to try not to overdo it here. But (here’s the confession, of sorts) there are times in my life that I look around at the people who consider me a friend, and I am just amazed. It’s not that I’m not a good friend. I am fiercely loyal. And, though I have lapses of laziness, I work hard to keep in touch with good friends wherever they may be.

 

But……well……how do I say this? I’m a bit of a geek sometimes. Plus, I can be a bit pushy with people I’m very comfortable with. Maybe pushy is not the right word. I tend to talk a lot (again with people I know – don’t expect to hear a peep from me until I know you). And I probably talk over people too much. And I’ve seen myself on video. I cringe. I mean, I’m a sincere gal, but I’m a big geek!* The first time I saw myself on video, I thought “Ick! How do my friends put up with me?!” They’re so……so……so NON-geeky! This is probably twice as true for the work friends I’ve made over the years. These guys had no choice but to put up with me through thick or thin in a very, very deadline driven, often stress-full, workplace. But many of us were lucky enough to truly enjoy each others’ company. I used to spend so much of my time outside of work with these folks. Drinks after work. Hiking. Book club. Halloween parties. Dinners. I suppose after spending so much time with them (some of them for almost 10 years now), I shouldn’t be surprised that they like me. But, well….sometimes it surprises me. It’s like – hey! You’re not being paid to spend time with me anymore. What are you doing here? Thinking about it – maybe I should give the most credit to my college and school friends – who had the chance to bolt when they met me, yet didn’t. And then, there is my family. Who, kind of like work folks, are sort of stuck with me. But who are more than just family – they are my friends. Which goes triple for my mom and sister, who are my best friends (along with my Sweetie). Who have been more than family to me for 36 years.

To see all these different parts of my life combine today – grade school, high school, college, work, old family, and new family – was wonderful and humbling. It really brought home how lucky I am, and motivates me to continue to work as hard as I can (harder than I have been lately) to stay in touch with everyone and let them know how important they are to me. To my sister, who made it all happen (today – not the wedding itself – for which I have to thank my Sweetie), THANK YOU!

*I am in no way trying to imply that being a geek is a bad thing, but when I was a kid, it tended to lead to a lonely social life, and that’s just what I was used to. It’s refreshing, as an adult, to learn this isn’t the fate of geeky kids. I wish all kids could learn this at an early age.

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He did it!

My Sweetie proposed!

Remember that prediction I made for 2007 that included “I would be engaged sometime this year?” Well, color me psychic, it came true!

Some of my pals have been wondering why I have not been posting wedding news on my blog. Mostly, there are still some people I have not talked to in real time yet to share the news. But, the cat is probably out of the bag for most of you who know me. So, YIPPEE! The proposal was wonderful and sweet and, wouldn’t you know it, my Sweetie did manage to completely surprise me. We had shared a wonderful evening together, but it was late at night, and I was completely unkempt and didn’t think I was looking at all attractive and appealing. Not the kind of gal you want to ask to spend the rest of your life with.

As he knelt down in front of me and reached into his pocket for a ring box, I alternately asked/screamed “You are NOT?!!” and “ARE YOU ASKING ME??!!” But he did. And I said yes. And we drank champagne, called his mom at 2:00 a.m., and viola!, we are getting married.

This is the main reason for our trip out to California right now. We have been running around this week trying to nail down the big ticket items – wedding site, reception site, photographer, etc.

As usual, my Sweetie (should I start calling him my fiance?) and I have slightly different approaches to the planning process. I planned to map everything out and have all sorts of appointments set up before we flew to California. And I did make a few appointments ahead of time. These were done in my neck of the woods – Sacramento and northern California. We spent a few days up there this week. Then, we came down to his neck of the woods – Santa Cruz. We had one appointment set up. After that, we drove around with a phone book, making some calls, and randomly popping into venues at the spur of the moment. Total Sweetie m.o.

And you know what? Both methods work just fine. We found some nice places in both areas that still have some availability on Saturdays later this year. We met a great photographer, recommended to us by a good friend of my Sweetie. She herself has photographed weddings and interviewed many photographers for her wedding last year. We talked to a florist, but will try and get a few other estimates from people.

It probably helps that neither of us are the extremely picky type about most of this stuff. I’m not the kind of gal who always thought “Oh, I have to be married beside a green meadow with willow trees and a two-story fountain by a rose garden with a 10-piece orchestra and 3,000 garlands of purple orchids.” Nahhhh….. Nice scenery would be great. Good music would be great. A photographer who doesn’t yell at my mother would be great. But, by the end of the day, we will be married. One way or the other. And that’s the important thing. Right?

I’ll let you know how the planning goes!

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