ok, I totally deserved this one.
For all the times I have been late RSVP-ing for a wedding, I totally deserve to have a bunch of late RSVPs from people we have invited. I was pretty bad in my younger years. I think I still *have* a few RSVP cards, lying around in the bottom of drawers and boxes somewhere. Ooops. Sorry. I would have chosen the fish dish, thanks very much.
So, yeah – that piece of karma came back to bite me in the ass, and well I deserve it. I don’t mind too much because a) a majority of people are RSVP-ing on time and b) Sweetie and I (and his Mom, I hope) don’t mind calling a few people to confirm whether they are coming or not. It’s all good.
Here’s the bit of RSVP etiquette that I find both more amusing and slightly more frustrating – When people RSVP for more than we invited – without ever asking or telling us. Argh.
Now this is bound to happen. All the wedding guides say this will happen. And, to be fair to our guests, they may have thought their invites were slightly ambiguous because we don’t have inner envelopes. You know – that’s the envelope without the address, but the one where you can write “And Guest” or someone else’s names, or the names of all their kids, if we invite them. So, in the absence of a clear indication, some people may have assumed the invite included them plus one. Or plus two. Or three. Or plus their significant other because all the etiquette guides say you *should* invite people’s significant others (if you even know they exist, which we didn’t for a few people). But I have to think, in the face of ambiguity – the best bet is to ASK. Or to explain why you need to, or want to, bring someone else.
My mom has a very old, very dear friend. We invited her. She called my mom and told her she would love to come, but she cannot drive at night, and could she bring her daughter? This daughter is someone my mom used to take care of years ago, so Mom knows her also. Mom then checks with me. I say “Welllll, yes because this woman is very special to you. But, keep in mind, there are about **** number of invites we want to send out, including Sweetie’s family members, that we cannot send out until we get below our target number in RSVPs. ” But hey, it was ok. And Mom relayed the info to her friend. And her friend e-mailed her RSVP.
I had another friend who e-mailed to ask if someone could come with him. I still have him on hold with an answer. But I think I’ll say “yes, for sure” because of the sheer fact that he asked!
It’s just funny when we get the RSVP cards back and the number doesn’t match what is in our list. Or people write “So and so and I will attend.” Or “I need to bring so and so, thanks for understanding.” And the dreaded “Why weren’t my kids invited?!!” Egads!
I think the bottom line is – our main goal was to have a fun wedding that could accommodate about as many people as we wanted. And yes, we want our guests to have fun, or to be able to get there, or whatever. And, if that includes an extra person for a few people, and it means our guest can come to the wedding, we would be happy to have them. And, again – this is not just one or two people – there are bunch of people who ended up as a “plus one” or more.
But what people don’t realize is that their extra person actually booted someone out of the wedding – someone that we had on a list for almost a year – someone who is related to one of us – or something like that. We had a whole second list of people to send invites to – if we got below our maximum # in “Yes” RSVPs. And – we actually included kids’ names on the invites for kids who were invited. And included guests names for guests who were invited. Or, on just a couple of invites – actually wrote “And Guest” on the outer envelope.
But, I can tell you – it is VERY hard to call someone up and say “Hey! You can’t bring so and so.” Or your small kid. Or whoever. And, to be honest, we want these extra people to be able to come with our invited guests.
So, we go with the flow and change our guest list and hope that no ones feelings get too hurt. Hopefully not the people who are bringing someone they felt we should have been invited in the first place. And hopefully not the people we never did invite. Who the HECK thought all these people would come to my wedding anyway?! I guess that’s the most hilarious, and flattering part. We guessed “no” for a bunch of people who live out of state – far away – haven’t seen us for 10 plus years – etc. And a bunch of them are coming! At the end of the day – that there is the heartwarming part. Very heartwarming. And will ultimately just add to the fun of the day. As they say “A house made of love has elastic walls.” And so shall our reception site……..as long as it doesn’t rain (PLEASE pray it doesn’t rain). If it does, we’re seating all the extra people at the outside tables. ha hooo heee!
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