Stream of Consciousness

So, I think the only way I can even attempt to explain my slightly sporadic blogging is just to split a seam in my brain and see what comes out.  I warn you, it may lean towards the ranty and bummerish.

Ready?

Scccchhhhhhhhhhzzzzzzz…………..

January back in Maui.  Need work.  Drag work out of my California co-workers.

Grumble about the chronic health issues I’ve been trying to ignore and self manage. 

Side Ramble:    What can I say about my opinion of the medical community?  Ummmmm…..they are mostly useless.  Now, if I split my forehead open (which I’ve been told I did once), I will gladly welcome the ministrations of a doctor.  If I ever actually have a baby, I will be seeking the expertise of an MD.  But – as far as quality of diagnosis, I can tell you my experience in over 30 years has been – how shall I put it? – piss poor.  Going all the way back to biopsies taken at Stanford medical center that never figured out a thing, to a doctor who kept lecturing me about stress when I was lactose intolerant, to a dermatologist who smirked at me when I asked him to help me figure out what was wrong instead of just giving me a prescription to mask the symptoms and who told me “My other patients don’t care about that.”  And on.  And on.  I kid you not.  I have more examples. 

Mini-meltdown with Sweetie.  What are we doing?  Where are we going?

Finally acquiesce to Sweetie and follow up on the several referrals my doctor gave me back in November. 

Deal with the car.  Needs a safety check?  ok.  $$  What?  Needs a repair?  Crap. 

Get x-rays.

Sweetie takes me back to Dr.  I get a useless endoscopy.  Can I stay awake?  No?  Why the hell not?  Frak.  Spend the rest of the day and night throwing up from the anesthesia. 

Got some work.  Thank goodness.  Buckle down a little.

What?  You want me to see another Doctor?  Holy Crap!! That would be awesome!! My brain short-circuits and I agree.  Wow.  Someone listens to me.  Says things like “You’re not crazy.”  and “You know your body better than anyone else.”  We agree to try some dietary solutions instead of pill solutions.  Which is, by the way, EXACTLY what I suggested to my Dr. back in November.  Why exactly do I and my insurance carrier pay you people all this money?

Take the car in for repairs.  What?  You broke it while fixing it?  Frak.  $$  What?  I just put over $800 into a $3,000 car?  Egads.

Mom and my aunt arrive in Maui.  Hooray!!  Fun times ensue.  Beach.  Sun.  Whales.  Beach.  Volcano.  Lahaina.  Shopping.  Beach. The weather mostly cooperates.  We have a few days with higher-than-normal waves.

And – a slight mishap with the car.  That car.  You remember – the car we just shoveled over $800 of work into?  Yeah – that car. 

Good news – occupants of all cars were…mostly ok.  Some bruises.  Hopefully no whiplash.  Bad news – our car is essentially totaled.  We won’t be seeing it again after the insurance folks picked it up and dragged it away. 

What?  This sounds familiar?  Yes, it’s the second car that has been totalled while we’ve lived here, thanks for asking. 

Get a rental car for a month while we try and decide whether to get a new used car or not.

My sister asks me “Are you sad?”  And I have to think about it.  At that moment – no.  I wasn’t sad.  I said: “It happened.  We need to deal with it.”  I told her I thought maybe God is trying to tell me to just pack it up and move back to California now.  She said she was thinking it was too much to pile on me.  But I thought to myself – “No.  There are a lot of things that could happen that would feel overwhelming.  Losing my car isn’t the worst of those things.” But there are other things on the edge of my life that could feel more overwhelming than losing a car.  I’m trying to formulate a plan of action against those.

And so – we go on. 

The rest of Mom’s trip was good.  My aunt had several moments she said she would “Keep in her heart” and that is inspiring.  We all enjoyed each other’s company immensely. 

And I clean my house in anticipation of our next house guest who is arriving this Thursday. 

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a brain to stitch up.  Aloha, and I hope to be back to a more normal blogging schedule. 

Oh – and by the way – I am trying to finish a couple of books this month for my RYOB Challenge.  Including “The Tao of Inner Peace” which just quoted this line from the Tao Te Ching:

“To keep your center is to endure.”

So say we all.

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Tired rambles

This is one of those non-entries, as it is late tonight and my throat is screaming mad – about 165-percent above my normal painful chronic ouch.  I’m sitting here with half a cup of Theraflu – not because I really think I am getting sick but just to try and sooth my throat for a few minutes so I can sleep.  Have I mentioned I get grumpy when I don’t feel well?

Today was a good day.  Packed my bags, woke up early, picked up Sweetie at the airport and drove to his mom’s.  Hooray!  Nice to have his company again.  We spent the evening with his old college pals, a couple of whom we have not seen since our wedding.  We were treated to a scrumptious feast that included homemade kalua pork, roasted veggies, Korean BBQ beef and brownies for dessert.  I had at least two helpings of everything and could have easily had two more helpings of the beef but didn’t want to empty the serving dish before our awesome hostess even had seconds.  Urp.  

Tomorrow is big food shopping day.  This year we are spending Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after Christmas with Sweetie’s family.  Which means several meals have been planned out for 12 to 16 or 17 people.  Everyone has something to buy, which cuts down the work for any one person.  But there is still a lot to buy and prep.  We’ll go to Costco in the morning then  drive to Sweetie’s Grandfather’s house to take him shopping.  Somewhere, somehow, I also have to get some work hours in.  Because – wouldn’t you know – after having basically no work for the last month, I now have a work product due right after Christmas.  Ho Ho Ho.  Grump.  Grump.

And with that – I am diving under the electric blanket.  Sorry for the non-entry.  Hope you all are staying warm.

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Random Wednesday (is it Wednesday?)

• Does it make you nervous when your webcam “winks” at you?  Sometimes I’ll be sitting at my computer minding my own business when the little blue light of my webcam blinks on and off.  I’m not sure why.  My mouse and I are nowhere near the webcam shortcut.  I never even use my webcam.  But there it goes.  *blink* *blink*  Hello?  Are you trying to tell me something?  Are you recording me while I am not looking?  Is my scowling yawning face being broadcast out to the world without my knowledge?  What is going on????
• A couple of weeks ago I thought I would have no problem getting ready for Christmas.  But then, a couple of weeks ago I still thought Christmas was about 4 months away.  Time takes on new dimensions for self-employed people, I think.  I sometimes lose track of days and suddenly it’s a whole different month.  If I don’t have a bunch of deadlines to pay attention to, I can’t seem to figure out time at all.
• I jumped on the scale this week and was delighted to discover that I finally lost the extra pounds that I put on during my last trip to California.  I always manage to gain weight in California.  And now it is off.  Hooray!  Guess what?  It’s off just in time for me to fly back to California. 
• Yup, I’m flying back to California in less than a week.  Again, I feel like time has been sneaking up behind my oblivious back.  I like to have my home organized and clean before I leave.  Why?  I have no idea.  I guess I just feel the need to pile some tasks onto my to-do list.  So, I am trying to clean my house and organize my work files at the same time I am shopping for gifts and writing out 50-something Christmas cards.
• One thing I can tell you – I will always always lug about extra 15 pounds more work files back and forth between Maui and California.  That means I lug about 20 pounds of files and only work on 5 pounds worth.  In October, I mailed files back to myself with a USPS Flat-rate box and the darn thing weighed more than 10 pounds.  Sweetie keeps yammering at me to keep my files electronically and to stop carting around the hard copies.  I tell him that I already have many of these printouts electronically.  But I still use my printouts.  I’m old fashioned.  Plus, hey – I’m trying to work off those extra pounds I always gain in California.

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