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Posts Tagged ‘compulsions’

Compulsions.  We all have them.  At least one or two.  What’s yours?

Mine is door locking.  At home.  I don’t worry so  much about car doors.  I have a friend that does.  Check and rechecks them.  Will check them, walk half-way across a parking lot and then run back to check again.  Silly huh? 

But at home?  I’m the same.  I’m a compulsive door-locker at the end of the day.  I guess I don’t trust people enough to leave my home doors unlocked.  My sister may disagree with me as she has had words with me about leaving mom’s garage door open.  But, generally, I run to my front door to lock it.  At night, I check my doors.  Then, I check them again.  Before I go to bed, I check them again.  Occasionally, I’ll jump back out of bed to check again.  If I’m home and Sweetie walks out the door, I lock it after him.  If he forgets something and tries to run back in, he’ll walk right back to the door and *whack* into it as he finds out that I have, indeed, locked the door right after him.  While staying with my mom, I know she sometimes like to keep a sliding glass door open at night to cool off the house.  Security-wise she is probably ok since she is surrounded by neighbors and the screen door has a lock.  I try and respect her choice.  I try and ignore it.  I do.  Sometimes I succeed.  But most of the time?  Nope.  Can’t do it.  I run to the offending door and squeak it shut after Mom goes to bed. 

Not that I don’t miss a door sometimes.  I do.  Usually not the front door.  But I woke up one morning a while ago to realize that I didn’t check the doors the night before and Sweetie left the garage door open all night.  This just feeds and fertilizes my natural compulsion to check and recheck. 

I think there are a couple of seeds to this compulsion.  One is probably from my father who was generally quite security conscious.  The other has to do, I think, with my sleep paralysis.  Since I sometimes panic because I fear that someone has crept into my home while I am paralyzed, it helps me to know for sure that I’ve checked all the doors and someone can’t just walk in without my hearing.  Not that this helps most of the time, but that’s still partly where it comes from. 

As compulsions go, I don’t think mine is the most irritating.  Sweetie can laugh at me as I open the garage door for the 5th time in a night to recheck the garage door.  But other than running the risk of waking someone up from loud creaky doors closing, I don’t think I’m hurting anyone. 

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